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By Jesse Utz 

Birthday wishes

Jess, shut up!

 

Last updated 7/17/2019 at 10:54am



On Friday, a very special lady will celebrate her ??th birthday. I am smart enough to not put the actual digits in the paper for everyone to see. That would lead to me never having another birthday myself. As we come to the big day, I dream of what I would do for her if money were no object. So here is what I would do for my lovely bride if the keys to the treasure room were ours.

Easy enough to start with the basics: new car, dream home and trips, but those would be boring. So let’s assume she has a brand new red Chevy Blazer and she has her home with a dream kitchen in which to bake her world-famous cookies. And she has been to Hawaii, Africa, Australia and Paris already. Let’s dig a little deeper into what would be awesome for the love of my life.

First off, if she has this dream home, she is going to need maid service. She would be exhausted cleaning up after herself in the kitchen, cleaning the pool, picking up the man cave, tidying up all the toys in the grandkids’ rooms, making all the beds, doing all the laundry, mowing the lawn, dusting the mounted animal heads, preparing snacks for guests, cooking dinner and paying all the bills. She deserves a break. So, I will hire some folks to come and help her do all these things.

Next she would probably need her own armory. You know, for all that heat she is packing and all the ammo that goes with it. She would probably need a few more firearms to go in it too. We would have one of those secret doors, one that secretly opens up behind the fireplace or a shelving unit. Undetectable to the average eye. Fully stocked inside with everything you could need. She would really enjoy that.

She would also enjoy her own Slingshot. No not one of those hand-held weapons that shoots BBs, but one with three wheels. Kind of like the 2019 Slingshot SLR reverse trike. In her favorite color of course. She would have so much fun riding around town in this motorized trike bike. Running to the store for groceries would be thrilling … to pull out on the road and feel the wind in her hair as she gets her errands done. She would be impressed.

Another thing she would enjoy is a Canon EF 800mm f/5.6 IS USM super telephoto lens for her camera. She could take awesome photos of wildlife and birds with super zoom lens. She would have so much fun going out into the wilderness and trekking in the woods and mountains to get a clear, perfect picture of a Harpy eagle. Oh, I guess she would have to receive a trip to Papua New Guinea to see this eagle as well, so what a great package deal the telephoto lens and a trip to New Guinea to have an opportunity to capture all their rare birds on film would be. Well, on digital film anyway. She would love it.

She would also probably like to go on a road trip. One that hits all the zoos in America. With specials packages at each one to actually sleep in the park and hear the wildlife all night. She would also love going to the Football Hall of Fame, Arrowhead Stadium, hunting in Alaska, visiting the ARK, jumping out of an airplane and visiting a saltwater aquarium with sharks in it, and more.

 

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